The Road Ahead
by TheSpaceWolf
Summary: Post Season 2 Finale. Andrew suggests that Coulson talk about his arm with the person he trusts the most. Coulson realizes very quickly that talking about his feelings is really not his style. As it turns out, it's really not Skye's style either. Despite being completely out of their comfort zone, can the two figure things out for each other?


The Road Ahead

He finds her sorting files in one of the extra offices. It was late into the night and most of the base was asleep, except for them it seemed. Since the day everything had changed for all of them, long periods of rest evaded him and obviously it affected Skye too. From the droop in her shoulders and the heavy sigh she heaved every few minutes, she'd been at this for hours. He knew that he should make his presence known, but for some reason he found it comforting to just stand there and watch her.

"You going to stand there and creep or come in and join me?" she asked, her head still tilted away and down at a box of files resting against her folded knees.

And he thought he was being subtle. With a small smirk, he pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped through. He got a good look at the progress made and had to internally admit that he was impressed. The place was actually starting to look like an organized filing room. Sometimes, he wondered what he would do without her.

Adjusting his sling, he shifted his feet and found himself unsure what to say. Andrew said it might do him good to talk things out with Skye. He didn't see the point of rehashing events that probably still remained very vividly in all of their minds. He knew what Andrew wanted out of him though. He wanted Coulson to talk to someone about his arm, since the psychologist wasn't getting much out of him on the subject, other than the obvious. Having one less arm really sucked.

Coulson hadn't talked about his arm because he honestly didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure yet about his own feelings. If he was being honest, he was surprised he hadn't already had a major freak out. Maybe it was the lack of response that didn't settle right with Andrew. When asked about his arm, he'd been quick to respond with what he felt like was the truth. He still felt the ghost of the important limb. Sometimes he forgot he no longer had a left hand and would reach for things only to realize he could not. It frustrated him more than upset him, which was baffling in of itself. Where he expected depression or anger, there was nothing. Only frustration over mundane things, like fixing his own tie, driving Lola, folding his arms over his chest in what used to be an intimidating look. He felt only the aggravation of being inconvenienced.

"Still creepily staring," Skye muttered, when he continued to let his mind wander as he half-way paid attention to her filing.

"Sorry," he said, "I thought maybe you could use a break, since sleep seems to be evading us both a lot these days." At her hesitancy, he walked over to her, holding out his right hand. "Come on, kid, I could use the company." In the end it was his soft smile that had her letting him hoist her to her feet.

"What'd you have in mind, A.C.?" she asked, saying that blessed nickname that he hadn't heard her say in what felt like a lifetime. It felt a little too good to hear. He was comforted by the sound of the affectionate name, but it also reminded him of how things were far from the way they used to be.

"I was thinking a pint of ice cream might be good for the soul. Hunter has a hidden stash in the back of the freezer that he recently restocked," he suggested, letting her lead the way out of the room and down the hallway to the kitchen.

"And how do you know about Hunter's secret stash?" she asked, arching a curious eyebrow.

He rolled one shoulder, letting his mouth pull up in a lopsided smirk. "I'm the director, it's my job to know everything. Also, I must confess that ice cream is one of my weaknesses." He was going for humor and he was glad when he got a small smile in return.

"Thanks for the ammo, Director," she said, as they entered the kitchen.

Coulson propped open the fridge with his shoulder and reached his hand to the far back of the freezer, getting a grip on a pint of rocky road. Letting the fridge shut, he turned to find Skye seated on the counter, waving two spoons at him. Surprisingly, he hopped onto the counter next to her, letting her pop open the lid and sticking both spoons inside. Without having to ask, she silently took the pint from his hand so he could take his spoon. They took turns eating right out of the carton, comfortable with the silence surrounding them.

Finally Skye spoke. "So…now that I've been properly bribed with ice cream, what did you want to talk to me about?"

He almost choked on his next bite of ice cream and had to swallow several times before he could answer, dropping the spoon back in the carton for a moment. He glanced sideways at her, wondering when she had gotten so good at reading people or at least reading him. She seemed to always sense the heaviness before a serious conversation.

"This isn't you letting me down gently that you've decided to not put me in charge of the new project, is it?" she asked, partly joking and partly serious by the look in her eyes.

He shook his head. "No, no. Of course not, that's a done deal. There's no one I'd want more spear-heading that project than you. That's not…what I wanted to talk to you about." He couldn't believe how terribly awkward he suddenly sounded.

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Oh, then what's up, boss?"

Coulson couldn't believe he was actually going through with this. "Andrew thought it might be good for us, if we talked about what all went down on the ship." She dropped her spoon back in the cup and placed it on the counter next to her.

"What like amateur therapy?" she asked, incredulity heavy in her tone.

His smile was humorless. "Something like that."

She seemed to study him for a second. "And…you think it's a good idea? Talking about our feelings and how screwed up we are and what not."

His lips pulled together. "I know how you feel about head shrinking," he began, but her quick head shake stopped him.

"No, if Andrew said it, then… we probably should do it. I've learned to trust his judgment." His heart warmed at her words, glad to hear that and knowing it would make Andrew and May proud to know it too.

He suddenly looked uncomfortable again. "Talking about my feelings and how screwed up everything is…not really my thing either," he admitted, his gaze shifting away from her as he let a low, nervous chuckle escape.

Her hand touched his knee. "At least we're in the same boat." It seemed they'd keep having things in common, just like the first time they met.

She pulled away when after a few moments it became obvious he wasn't going to start. "Since we're doing this whole talking thing, I wanted to apologize for… everything that happened these past couple of months. I should have said this already," she hesitated slightly like she was struggling to find the right thing to say, but plowed on when she glanced sideways at him and saw the intent, curious look on his face.

"I know there were things out of my control, but what I did have control over I should have stopped. I abandoned S.H.I.E.L.D., my friends, my family for something I thought I'd been searching for my entire life. Turns out, what I'd been looking for was right in front of my face." She met his intent gaze. "After everything you've done for me, all you've done to take care of me; I repay you by turning my back on you. You and this team were my family when I was sure I had none. I shouldn't have let the sudden arrival my mother and my new found heritage change who I am. I shouldn't have let it change what you all were to me." She felt the tears building behind her eyes. "I was too blinded by my need to know my blood family to realize that you'd already given me everything I'd dreamed of as a kid… I'm so sorry, Coulson."

Skye shut her eyes and let the tears silently fall, sucking in a breath when she felt his good arm come around her shoulders and pull her against his side. Soft lips pressed feather light against the top of her head. "None of what happened was your fault, Skye. Mistakes were made by everyone and consequences were paid all around. Jiaying tricked you and our misplaced actions did not help anything. You were confused and no one can blame you for choosing her side. Above everything she is your mother."

"I still shouldn't have chosen the woman I'd known for a second over the friends that have done nothing but have my back for the last two years. She played the part of the grief-stricken mother and I fell for it completely. Little did I know, she would try to suck the life out of me, literally."

He pulled back so he could look her in the eye. "Suck the life out of you?" he asked, concern and confusion coloring his tone.

"Yeah," she gave a dry chuckle. "It's how she was able to come back after Whitehall killed her. She totally pulled a Mummy on me and tried to suck me dry. It wasn't fun."

His eyebrows drew together. "Are you alright? Did you have Simmons check you for any lasting effects? Why didn't you tell me Jiaying tried to kill you and almost succeeded?" he shot off the questions in quick succession, sounding more and more like a worried father. She didn't know whether to laugh or hug him.

"I'm fine, A.C. Nothing my totally superhuman body can't take. Besides, after everything else went down, it didn't seem important. She tried to kill me, but I didn't let her. And now it's over and done with. No biggy." He looked like it was anything but a no biggy, but with a sigh he dropped it, knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere arguing with her about it. Seeing his expression, she bumped his shoulder. "I totally kicked her ass, if that helps."

His lips twitched at her words, even though the worry lines in his forehead were still prominent. "It helps a little bit," he admitted, bumping her shoulder back. "May told me that you offered to take down your mother yourself. I can't imagine how that must have felt. The choice you were forced to make."

She found a place to stare at on the wall as she remembered exactly what had happened. "There wasn't much of a choice. She was wrong and SHIELD was right…for the most part. I couldn't let her hurt anyone else in the name of revenge, not after what I saw her to do Raina. She might have been my mother by blood, but she hadn't been the woman that gave birth to me in a long time. She was merely the shell of the mother that once loved me." Skye glanced at him, meeting his gaze. "Before it all went down, May told me that she hoped Jiaying was everything I had dreamed for in a mother. She sounded so happy for me. I didn't have the guts to tell her that in my dreams, my mother was a lot like her." Her face crumpled and tears filled her eyes again. "I hurt her and I don't know if she'll ever forgive me. I don't know how I'll ever forgive myself."

He put his hand on her back, a frown pulling at his mouth. "Give her time, Skye. I promise you, she'll come around."

She sniffled. "She probably hates me, as she should."

"I've known Melinda May a long time. She's angry and disappointed in you for siding with your mother so quickly. She doesn't take betrayal lightly, no matter the intentions, I would know. She's upset with you, no doubt, but she most certainly doesn't hate you, Skye." His hand rubbed up and down her back in reassurance.

"Are you mad that I sided with my mother?" she wondered, eyebrows drawing together in a look that was altogether adorable and heart wrenching.

Coulson let a deep sigh escape. "I was never mad. I…understood why you did it, even if May could not. You were confused and afraid of losing the family that you'd only just found. You had every right to be defensive of it. I was just…disappointed that you would ever think I would let anything bad happen to you or to people you cared about." His blue eyes were sadder than she could ever remember seeing them.

It cut somewhere deep inside her to know that she put that sadness there, that she'd hurt him by her decision to choose her mother over him. She didn't know how to explain that it hadn't been him specifically she'd doubted, but Gonzalez's SHIELD. When those agents had come to hunt her down, it had not once crossed her mind that Coulson had approved of it. She'd immediately known that something wasn't right. Above all else, she knew deep in her heart that Coulson would never hurt her or let anyone else either.

After getting the frantic call from May, she'd known something bad had went down at the base. Her first and only thought had been getting back to her team and helping them. It was only when she'd met with the Inhumans in Afterlife that she'd begun to waver. She didn't know why she hadn't seen it before, but they'd succeeded in making her question everything about herself and the life she'd found in SHIELD. They'd made her doubt the woman she'd become and the cause she'd been fighting for. Now, she was sort of pissed that she'd let them get inside her head.

"I know you'd never let anything happen, Coulson. It was never you I doubted. When those agents came to the cabin willing to take me by force, I'd figured you'd just been overpowered. May had called and told me a separate faction of SHIELD were hunting me down. Even without her warning, I would have known it wasn't you," she paused, letting a small breath out.

"I was so stupid though. They prodded every self-doubt I had about my place in SHIELD, my place on your team, my place in this world. They made me believe I had some sort of destiny as an Inhuman, a destiny that conveniently didn't include SHIELD. When I found out my mother was the leader of the Inhumans, I started to second guess if being an agent was really what I was supposed to do. They made it sound so wrong, considering myself one of you; like I was betraying my own blood or something. I didn't understand why I couldn't have the best of both worlds. I only just now realized that without even knowing it, the past two years I have had the best of both worlds. Even though I just found out about my ancestry, I've always been an Inhuman. I don't have to choose. I can be both SHIELD and Inhuman."

She met his gaze, a determination in her dark eyes. "I let my insecurities get the best of me. I never should have doubted the bond I had with the team, the bond I had with you."

His hand folded itself around one of hers and squeezed tightly. He glanced down at their joined hands, a grin on his face. "I'd say that bond is still running strong," he noted, winking at her. "I think it's much stronger than you give it credit for." His tone was teasingly light again, but she could clearly see the warm seriousness flooding his eyes as he looked at her. In spite of everything that had happened, he was letting her know that he would never give up on them, on her.

"Is that bond strong enough to handle talking about what happened with you? This thing goes both ways, you know," she said carefully, watching as his facial expression froze up at her words. He hadn't expected her to change the subject so quickly. She'd felt like they'd done enough talking about her. Now it was his turn, no matter how much he hated it. She did, however, sort of want to kick herself for her lack of tact with it.

Coulson still looked like he'd swallowed a lemon when he answered. "I suppose it is," he admitted grudgingly.

"I got a pretty good run down about what happened on your end from Fitz," she said, trying to get him to start when it seemed he wasn't going to say anything. "He said you were a hero for what you did." She bit her lip. "You sure do have a knack for sacrificing yourself." She kept on until he looked at her.

"It was me or a ship full of people including myself, didn't seem like much of a choice." He rolled his shoulders slightly. "I wasn't trying to be a hero. I just wanted to do my job. And for the record, the first time around I didn't plan on sacrificing myself, it just went down that way. Believe it or not, considering I didn't actually die this time, I count what happened on that ship as a win. A win with many losses, but still we came out on top and that's what matters to me."

He glanced down at his arm. "I knew when I took this job that the price was going to be high. I made mistakes. There were things that could have and should have gone differently. I count this," he held up his arm slightly. "As one of the many consequences of my mistakes."

He paused when he felt her hand on his injured arm, just barely brushing the edge of the sling. Her eyes asked a silent question and wordlessly, he offered the limb to her. She traced gentle fingers across his sleeve, not quite touching the skin. "This is one of the many consequences that I wish you never had to pay. You shouldn't always have to be the one that makes the sacrifice play. I'm afraid…I'm afraid that next time will be your last," she admitted, tears slipping silently down her face.

"It's a part of the job," he tried to explain, but the look on her face made him pause.

"No," she disagreed, "it's a part of you." The hand on his arm put a slight pressure there, not painful, but firm and steadying. "A part of you that I wouldn't change for a moment," she assured quietly. "You're a good man, Coulson. I knew the second that I met you that I was never going to be the same. I realized that I didn't know the true meaning of compassion until I saw you in action. Being around you, made me want to be better. For the first time in forever I saw the kind of person that I could be. A good person that showed compassion to others and protected those that couldn't protect themselves. You took me under your wing and showed me a better way. I honestly don't know the kind of life I'd be leading if I hadn't met you."

She looked down at his arm. "This just serves as a reminder that there's always more I could give, more I could do for the sake of good. I hope that one day I'm willing to give everything to the cause that we're fighting so hard for; to be the shield that the world so desperately needs. I hope that one day I can be as brave and selfless as you."

He swallowed hard, not sure how to respond to that. "Skye…" he sighed, but again she cut him off with a half-hearted glare. He didn't know how to tell her that some days he felt the farthest from the man she had described. When he'd dived for that crystal he hadn't thought he was brave or selfless, only stupid for letting it come to that. He should have never let things get that bad, never get that dangerous. It was sheer guilt and panic that had led him to sacrifice himself. All he could think was that he wasn't going to let Fitz and Mack die for his mistakes.

As if she was reading his mind, she reached over and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. "Don't let your arm be a consequence of your mistakes. No one should have to carry that with them, especially you, A.C. Being willing to lose everything for the sake of someone else is a strength not a weakness."

After a moment of silence, Coulson blew out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "Andrew was right. I...we needed to talk this out," he admitted, squeezing her hand back and glancing sideways at her.

"Feel better?" she asked, meeting his gaze with soft brown eyes.

He pursed his lips. "Well, having one less hand still really sucks, but yeah, actually. I do feel better." He smiled fondly at her, knowing that a lot of this new found peace came from her words alone.

"Don't worry you're still cool, A.C, even with one hand. You always will be."

His eyes sparkled at her suddenly and he got a peculiar look on his face. "You know, we have more in common than you think," he said randomly, but his tone was deadly serious. "I'm not the only one that's selfless and brave when it counts."

She shrugged it off. "You must have rubbed off on me, boss." They both thought back on the time she'd taken a bullet a year before. A frown marred his face before he shook himself back to the present and glanced toward the pint of ice cream.

"Our rocky road is melting," he commented, bringing it to her attention.

Skye sighed, reaching for it. "I think it was all our talking. I didn't even notice." She picked up a spoon and let the liquid drip off it, her lips pursed in thought.

"Guess we should put it back before it ruins. Hunter will already be pissed we ate some of it. He'll have a cow if we let it melt," Coulson said, reaching for the spoons so she could put the lid back on the small tub. They hopped off the counter, Skye going to the fridge while he put the silverware in the sink and ran water over them.

"I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out we raided of his secret stash," she said, grinning good-naturedly as she turned back to look at him.

His eyebrows furrowed in mild confusion. "You're gonna rat us out?" he asked incredulously, leaning back slightly against the sink.

Her grin got wider. "Only to rub in the fact that we were sneaky enough to get away with it," she explained smugly.

An almost unwilling smirk pulled at his lips, but he tried to look mildly stern. "Of course you want to rub it in. I shouldn't be surprised by that." He seemed resigned to her ways, heaving a sigh as he glanced at the clock on the wall to the left of her head. "It's getting late. Let's save the 'ratting us out' for the morning."

Her eyes lit up. "Ooh, great idea, A.C! Hunter will be even more pissed, he's so not a morning person."

"Glad I could help," he answered dryly, steering them out of the kitchen with his hand very lightly resting on her back. She barely noticed him herding her in the direction of the bunks.

They stopped at the doorway of her room, staring at each other wordlessly for a few seconds. She seemed to be debating something internally and the look on her face hit him with a sense of sudden déjà vu. She was biting her lip and swaying side to side, most likely a nervous habit, something he'd seen right before he went to San Juan. She'd hugged him, making a knot form in his stomach about what the future might hold. It had given him a gut feeling that everything was about to change, that he and Skye might never be the same again. The feeling had terrified him.

Thankfully, as she threw her arms around him this time there was no gut wrenching fear that it would be the last. There was no feeling of dread creeping up his spine that he might lose her forever to things he couldn't control. No. This time, there was only a sense of warmth and promise. A promise that everything was going to be okay.

"Thank you, A.C," she whispered into his neck and he tightened his one-armed hold on her the best he could, feeling only faintly putout that he couldn't hold her with two hands. She didn't seem to mind in the slightest. She seemed to be happy that they were hugging at all.

He let his chin come to rest on top of her head. "Thank you, Skye," he returned, knowing they both were referring to a lot more than just the ice cream. After a moment, they both pulled back.

Skye was smiling warmly up at him. "Have a goodnight, A.C. See you in the morning."

His hand touched her shoulder briefly. "Goodnight." Coulson let go of her shoulder and watched as she gave one last nod before going into her room and shutting the door quietly behind her.

He made his way slowly and silently back to his own room, feeling exceptionally lighter than he had in months. Somehow, he had a feeling that sleep would find him well tonight. He hoped dearly that Skye found her own peace too.

…

END


End file.
